(Scene:  Mamie and Solly, decades-long spouses in time, sit at breakfast in their sunny yellow kitchen.)

Solly (unfolding his napkin): Pass the salt, please.

Mamie (happily): Which one?

S (eyebrows flattening):  What do you mean, which one?

M (whipping out a tray):  New salts for you!

S (frowning):  Why are there so many salt shakers?  And why are you so happy?

M (smiling):  I live to serve.  Shaker #1 is a sodium-free, potassium-chloride salt.  Shaker #2 is a 75% potassium salt to 25% sodium salt mix. 

S (eyes narrowing):  There are 3 more shakers.  Am I an experimental subject?

M (determinedly):  Yes.  Shaker #3 has 50% potassium salt and 50% sodium salt.  Shaker #4 is a 25% potassium salt to 75% sodium salt mix*.  That grinder has pepper.

S (running a hand through his hair):  Where’s the real salt shaker?

M (holding up her hands):  I made those combinations just for you.  Science evolves.  Isn’t that reality?

S (sighing):  Today’s reality seems to be unconventional salt shakers to use on what I now see are my unconventional, not plain, eggs.

M (innocently):  Oh, you noticed the red, yellow, and green pepper chunks sticking out of your omelet?

S (staring at the omelet):  Sticking out like badly-designed, melted traffic lights.  Luckily, I can pick out the chunks.  Why can’t I have a normal wife?  What’s with all these shakers? 

M (honestly):  I am perfectly normal for a sample size of one.  And your blood pressure has been creeping up, though you’re not on medications.  Yet.

S (gesturing):  Mamie, living with you causes my blood pressure spikes.  So, where did this sudden obsession with salt mixes come from?

M (reasonably):  I read some articles*.

S (folding his arms):  Of course you did.

M:  Just 14% of people world-wide get enough potassium*.  I read about nearly 21,000 Chinese people with high blood pressure or stroke histories who were split into groups and followed over 4-1/2 years*.

S:  …And…?

M: The test group got lower-sodium salt*.  The control group used regular-sodium salt*.  The lower-sodium group had significantly fewer cardiovascular and kidney disease events, strokes, and deaths than the regular salt group*.

S:  Boil it down for me.

M:  People generally consume too much sodium salt.  That helps drive up blood pressure over time.

S (heatedly):  You can’t have my iodized sodium salt.  I need it so I don’t get that lumpy flesh goiter thing around my neck.  I don’t want hypothyroidism, either.

M (throwing up a hand):  I checked our multivitamins.  They have enough daily iodine.

S (throwing up both hands):  I’ve used iodized sodium salt my whole life.

M:  Hypertension – high blood pressure – is the number one killer world-wide*.  Your blood pressure is rising as you age.  Using a potassium salt mix significantly reduces blood pressure*.

S:  Like how?

M:  Potassium helps the kidneys eliminate sodium, acts like a diuretic, and relaxes blood vessels*.  Vessel dilation allows more blood flow* at lower pressure.  A bit more potassium in your body helps shed extra sodium*. 

S:  You’ve been reading too much.  Why four shakers?

M:  Choice is a satisfier.  You get to choose which one tastes best.  It’s a win-win.  And you get all the pepper you want.

S:  I get all the pepper I need being married to you.  What if all those salts taste the same?

M:  The all-potassium, no-sodium salt tastes metallic to me*.  I would use the potassium salt percentage that tastes the best.  We’ll tell our doctors since taking certain other medications could influence potassium levels*.

S:  You made up these shakers just for me?

M (smiling):  I want you around for as long as I can have you.  And I’ll use them, too.

S (dusting a shaker gingerly over the omelet):  Are you still going to put tri-colored peppers in my eggs?

M:  Educating your palate means trying new things.

S:  We’re educating my palate, too?

M:  Give me a millimeter, I sneak in a fresh vegetable.  Bell peppers are small, additional sources of potassium*.

S (gingerly biting into the omelet):  You’re a monster, Mamie, about nudging me toward healthier living.

M (fondly):  Seriously, do your research.  Make up your own mind. And that’s monstress to you, buddy-boy. 

References*

Lawton, Graham. The Salt Fix.  New Scientist. 08 June 2024:  33-35.

Letter to the Editor.  Extra potassium in the diet isn’t for everyone.  New Scientist.  29 June 2024:  29.

Potassium in Peppers:  The Fact and Fiction.  https://pepperscale.com/potassium-in-peppers/.