Catwoman (1/10 Rating)

Released July 23, 2004

Streaming on Amazon Prime. For rent/purchase on all major platforms.

Genre: Superhero, Action, Crime, Fantasy

PG-13: Action violence and some sensuality.

1h 44m

            I should be reviewing Before Sunset, the brilliant sequel to Richard Linklater’s Before Sunrise, both movies in the top 250 movies of all time on IMDB. So, if you come here looking for a good film to watch, check that one out or most of the other films listed at the end of this review. Unfortunately, I decided to take another look at what I consider the worst movie I have ever seen…and it holds up. I tend to avoid giving a movie a 1 out of 10 rating. Even the worst films have redeeming qualities: A good performance, a great score, beautiful cinematography. Perchance. Not Catwoman. This movie belongs buried somewhere in cat litter. It is completely unoriginal. The music is terrible. The script is trash. Fifty percent of the film is moving shots of CGI rooms or city buildings. Even the color grading is weird. One second it’s a dark greenish blue and the next full of every color in existence. If there was a plot, it is something like this: A loner artist works for a mega corporation that sells makeup. When she discovers the makeup has some deadly side effects, the owner has her murdered by being flushed down a giant toilet, but a hoard of cats with Egyptian powers smell her feces covered body and breathe cat powers into her. She wakes up with unnatural speed, senses, and the need to eat all fish products like a starving person. She seeks her revenge while dating the very cop investigating her, all the while wearing a terribly designed leather costume and a newfound sexy alter ego. There is no connection to the comics. There is no real reason for anything in this movie. Halle Berry and Sharon Stone are as attractive as ever and they deliver the lines they were given, but unfortunately this feels like someone time traveled twenty years into the future and used today’s AI to create this entire movie. It took me two viewings to watch this again. I fell asleep both times, and I was not tired. I can only think of two movies where the lead comes out of a waste pipe covered in literal crap. One is considered the greatest film of all time, The Shawshank Redemption. The other is the worst movie of all time; Catwoman. Consider yourself lucky if this is a Movie You Missed.

Also released in July 2004: King Arthur; Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy; I, Robot; The Bourne Supremacy. Before Sunset, Garden State, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, The Village (follow @jlucia85 for these reviews and more)