Karma-Lita sailed through yet another yellow traffic light as if her car had wings. Her boss, Hank Benson, was participating in her karma delivery run to assess Karma-Lita’s technique. Karma-Lita’s methods were somewhat unorthodox. As a supervisor at Karma Delivery Professionals, Hank thought company reputation related to client satisfaction.

The previous KDP client, Alderson, had called Karma-Lita a she-devil. This did not augur well for the client filing a high-ranking satisfaction survey.

“In the spirit of shoring up human bladder control, Karma-Lita, do you have to drive like you’re competing in the Grand Prix?”  Hank was rigid in the passenger seat, both hands gripping parts of his seat belt.

“I sometimes help with flow of traffic. Plus, racing cars would have been fun. My parents said my first words were, “Vroom!  Vroom!  Vroom!” I’d pilot my little grocery cart around corners on two wheels. We’re going to the zoo, Hank.”

“The zoo?”

“Focus, Hank. The first rule when you’re driving a race car or having a conversation is ‘Focus.’  I already said we’re going to the zoo.”

A pedestrian stepped into the upcoming crosswalk, saw Karma-Lita’s car barreling toward her, and hastily jumped away. Karma-Lita’s tires shrieked around the corner with little reduction in speed. Eyes closed, Hank clung to the seatbelt.

“We’re going to see the Vet,” continued Karma-Lita. She heard a siren and pulled over as a police car rolled to a stop behind her.

“Oh, no.”  Hearing the siren, Hank moaned, seeing visions of KDP’s frowning board members dancing the can-can across the inside of his eyelids.

“I’ll handle this,” said Karma-Lita. She rolled down the driver’s side window. An officer stood there. “Hi, Officer Frank, how are the wife and kids?”

“Oh, it’s Ms. Karma-Lita,” said the officer, taking several steps back. An oncoming car screeched to a halt.

“My boss, Mr. Benson, is riding along today,” said Karma-Lita, gesturing at Hank.

“Does your boss dispense karma, too?” Officer Frank looked afraid.

“No,” said Karma-Lita. “He toils but doth not spin. Right, Hank?”

Hank’s eyebrows rose, then puckered. He nodded.

“Officer Frank, how’s the trial going for that forger I helped you get behind bars?”

“Forger?” said Hank.

“Very well,” said Officer Frank, shuffling his feet. “The evidence you helped us find is core to the trial.”

“Karma takes a lot of forms,” said Karma-Lita. “Glad to drop it off. Great to meet your family. Anything else?”

Hank’s head swiveled like a ping-pong ball rally as he listened to the conversation.

“No, Ms. Karma-Lita,” Officer Frank mumbled. “I thought you were someone else.”

“No problem,” said Karma-Lita. “We’re making a karma delivery.”

“A good one, I hope,” said the officer. Karma-Lita just smiled, sedately started the car, and pulled away from the curb, leaving the officer standing there crossing himself.

“What just happened?” asked Hank, puzzled.

“I never breech confidentiality,” said Karma-Lita. “Here we are.”  She parked in Deliveries. “Alley-oop, Hank. Let’s go.”

Hank staggered out of the car. “Is this another good karma delivery?”

“No,” said Karma-Lita shortly. She flashed her KDP badge at the entry booth. “We’re from KDP, here to see Veterinary Scientist Clemmons,” said Karma-Lita, flipping through notes. The gate slid open.

Karma-Lita walked purposefully along the path. Zoo visitors streamed out of her way. She entered a nondescript building. A man in a white coat was waiting in the lobby. “They called me from the gate,” he said.

“Hank Benson, this is Dr. Clemmons,” said Karma-Lita, proffering a card. “My investigation is complete. I hereby award you negative three karma points.”

“Effervescent as usual, Karma-Lita.”  Dr. Clemmons glared at her.

“Negative 1 karma point for inadvertently feeding your herbivores meat-laced food.”  Karma-Lita ticked the points off on her fingers as she enumerated them. “Negative 1 karma point for cutting staff positions so that cages are not clean. Negative 1 karma point for the public library book on ocelots you checked out 8 years ago and never returned.”

“You’re awarding me negative karma for an overdue library book about ocelots?” asked Dr. Clemmons.

“Children couldn’t do research about ocelots for school reports,” said Karma-Lita. “Heinous. For disappointing children, I’ll add on another negative 1 karma point. Children are our future.”

“I’ll get you for this, Karma-Lita!” Dr. Clemmons shook his fist at her.  

Back outside, Hank commented, “He’s overreacting, don’t you think?”

“He’s my ex-husband,” said Karma-Lita.

About the Author:  Linda Lemery llemery@gmail.com welcomes reader comments.