Elektra (3/10 Rating)

Released January 14, 2005

Streaming on MAX, For rent/purchase on all major platforms.

Genre: Gun Fu, Superhero, Action, Adventure, Crime, Fantasy

PG-13: Action violence

1h 37m

                  This month we review one of Jennifer Garner’s best roles…the Capital One commercials. What’s in my wallet? At one point, a ticket stub for Elektra, unfortunately. January 2005 was not a great month for cinema. So, here I am reviewing another terrible superhero movie. Elektra is not as bad as Catwoman. That might be the closest I get to complimenting this movie. Remember when Deadpool & Wolverine had all the great cameos, and we cheered seeing the return of some favorites? While it was cool to see Jennifer Garner as Elektra again, it left me confused. Didn’t I hate this character? Didn’t we all? Why are we excited? The 2005 version is so boring. There is an opening sequence that shows a few seconds of “action” and then close to half the movie later the next action takes place. It does pick up in the third act, but by then I did not care. The plot makes no sense. They had an entire catalog of comic characters to use and went with: Terrible Tattoo Guy, Dark Feather Girl, Large Rock Skin Guy, and Generic Kung Fu Dude. Oh, and the bad guys turn into green smoke when they die. Jennifer Garner looks great if you’re into the squinty eyes and pouty lips. No one else really does anything interesting. What a waste of Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (Mortal Kombat). Terrance Stamp is okay, I guess. I forgot he was meant to be blind, and it took his character saying it to realize that, so that sums up that performance. Nothing makes sense in this film. A legendary deadly assassin is assigned to kill a man and his teenage daughter. She gets ready to kill without hesitation. Then, with little motivation or character background, she decides to protect them. But wait, there’s more. The girl needs no protection because she is trained by the same sensei as Elektra and has a magic necklace that she can fight with. There is a montage of Elektra unpacking her toiletries with dramatic music. She’s meticulous and intense, even with her toothpaste. Someone said yes to these ideas. Perchance. Elektra’s signature weapons are her sais, but where are they in the whole movie? I don’t care what they tell you. Sais matters. Sigh. Leave this one as a Movie You Missed. Watch Deadpool & Wolverine instead.

Also released in January 2005: White Noise, Coach Carter, Alone in the Dark, Hide and Seek, Are We There Yet?, Racing Stripes