(Scene: Mamie and Solly are standing on the patio looking at a covered hip-high cylinder.)

Mamie (pointing): What’s that?

Solly: What do you think it is?

M: A smoker? You’re going to learn how to smoke meats?

S: How could it be a smoker? It’s vinyl.

M: Vinyl seems like a poor choice for smoker construction, but maybe vinyl is now flame-retardant.

S: I don’t think that’s the case. Try again.

M: Maybe a portable composter?

S: Mamie, why would you need one? For take-it-to-work day?

M: Solly, it would take 3 months for the leaf matter to break down.

S: You could wreck the vinyl if you stabbed it with the compost-turning pitchfork. Sharp equalsbad.

M: So, what is it? Take the cover off.

S: An iceless ice bath.

M: An iceless ice bath?

S: There’s an echo out here.

M: How can you have an ice bath that’s iceless?

S: Mamie, I think these were designed for drowsy Vikings or athletes with muscle pain.

M: It sure would be a pain to get into one, Solly.

S: So, I thought, what if we don’t put any ice in it?

M: Then all we have is a water bath.

S: Right!

M: We already have a bathtub inside the house. Why would we want an outside water bath? Our backyard isn’t a chemistry lab.

S: What’s the temperature outside?

M: 90 to 100 degrees or more, given the time of day.

S: You were telling me you’d gone outside to water the vegetables, and it was too hot to live.

M: I came in and everything I was wearing was soaked with sweat.

S: Mamie, wouldn’t it be nice to cool off while you’re still out there?

M: Solly…I understand now…You bought this thing for me.

S: Yes. It’s like a tin can made of vinyl, for after you’ve been working outside in the heat. But you have to rinse off first.

M: In our indoor bathtub?

S: If you did that, you’d have to come outside again.

M: True statement. Do I rinse off with the hose?

S: Yes. Then, you get into the iceless water bath to cool off.

M: I can’t just get in. I have to have a swimsuit on first.

S: Mamie, by no stretch of the imagination, you can you swim in that thing. It’s just big enough to sit in and cool off.

M: So, Solly, I have to wear a swimsuit under my clothes to water the outdoor vegetables?

S: Or you could change clothes in the garage. For privacy.

M: The dark, unelectrified garage it is. Have you ever tried to cram a warm, sweaty body into a tight swimsuit in the pitch-black dark?

S: You are a very difficult woman.

M: If I manage to drag my swimsuit on, then get rinsed off with the hose, then I can get in the water?

S: Yes. The water has to be changed every 3 days unless we start using pool chemicals.

M: I haven’t even crammed myself into my swimsuit and you’re talking about changing the water?

S: Mamie, just try it out. Not in your clothes.

M: Surprise, Solly! I had my swimsuit on all along because I was going… Yikes! You let me have it with the hose!

S: New shortcut. You’re now rinsed off.

M: I have to climb up this stepstool, holding onto this chairback, to get in?

S: Ta-da!  You’re agile.

M: It’s too cold.

S: You’ve got to be kidding. After all this?

M: I’m freezing. Shiver me shins. I just have to get used to it.

S: Mamie, it’s 97 degrees out here. How long will it take to acclimate?

M: Long enough, Solly. My ribs need more time. I need to get in here earlier.

S: Which means watering the plants before 3:00 PM.

M: Why then?

S: Because that means I can get dinner before dark.

M: I like it, Solly. You’re always thinking.

S: Dinner, Mamie. Focus on dinner. Maybe a nice cold tuna salad?

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